I am small

It is no secret that New Orleans is filled with poverty and crime, and it is also no secret that that poverty and crime is everywhere. I see homelessness, hear sirens, drive past car accidents and witness arrests every day. On the way to work, driving to the grocery store or even walking through the French Quarter. I remember how overwhelming this was when I first moved to New Orleans but I never really gave it much intentional thought. I think poverty and crime are hard topics to think and talk about because they are uphill battles that make any individual efforts look and feel microscopic. I entered my YAV year hoping to improve not only myself but the lives of others in some way. Although I think I am contributing in a small way to certain families in New Orleans, on the larger scale of problems it feels as though I am doing nothing. I feel this calling to partake in a line of work that helps other people but am I really making a difference?

When I leave New Orleans there will still be homeless people sleeping under the highway overpasses and asking for money at stoplights. There will still be gun violence and news reports of shootings involving kids that are way too young. The school systems will still be broken and not receive the funding and support they need to make a significant improvement. The government will still be corrupt and not put the people of New Orleans first. There will still be so many problems and I have trouble seeing how I will have made a difference. I keep telling myself that every small change I make will somehow have a rippling effect on the larger community but often times this feels extremely deflating when the problems seem to grow right before my eyes. I recruit volunteers to help build a few houses but there are still hungry and homeless people scattered all throughout New Orleans. I guess in a perfect world with every house that Project Homecoming built, I would see a few less homeless people on the street. But that's not how it works is it! 

Then there is this horrible feeling I get for wanting to see results. Am I doing service to feel good about myself? It always seems to come back to me. I don't think it is wrong to want some affirmation in the work that I am doing but I am afraid it sometimes gets lost in the work that I am doing. Serving others is not easy and reflecting on these certain questions I've been having has helped me realize the challenges I have faced this year living in a city where I am not able to ignore the problems I see every day. It is overwhelming and scary and most of all sad. Two of my roommates, Colleen and Jess, came to the Village last night and talked to volunteers about the state of the wetlands and food justice. Both of these topics are not only hard to talk about but also are extremely prevalent and relevant here in New Orleans. They kept saying that every little positive thing you do matters despite these two women being up against huge problems that are bigger than themselves. Maybe service isn't as gratifying as it's made out to be. Awareness and knowledge of these situations is honestly kind of depressing at times. But I think my awareness is a service to others in a sense. You cannot change the world if you don't know the problems and I am grateful of this awareness every day. 

Lesson from the Journey: Jess shared with me this quote from Mother Teresa that really helped me grasp the important of my service here in New Orleans.