I Am Such a 4

Over time humans have constructed various techniques for interpreting personality types based on factors ranging from horoscopes to palm readings to answering a serious of questions that depending on your answer will spit out a description of the way your mind works. Although there is much controversy surrounding the validity of these methods, after taking the enneagram test with my housemates one could say I've become a believer. It's actually funny because the thought that I can't be defined by personality tests (because no one test could possibly encompass my complex nature) is one of the main components of being a 4 on the enneagram. Funny how that works.

Before I start jumping into the clarity that this personality test brought me, it would be helpful to explain what the enneagram personality test is and how it works. For starters, the word enneagram is derived from two Greek words - ennea, meaning "nine" and gramma, meaning something "written" or "drawn". There are 9 personalities on the enneagram that are all interconnected and represented (or drawn) in a geometric figure. The most interesting aspect of the enneagram test (that I actually find strangely appealing) is that since the test is described as a method for self-understanding and self-reflection (welcome to my YAV year) that it is subject to interpretation makes it difficult to test and validate scientifically. This also means that you and you alone have the final say on what your number is because the test is meant for the individual. How empowering is that?

The enneagram also breaks up the 9 numbers into 3 categories: 8, 9, 1 are action centered, 5, 6, 7 are thinking centered and 2, 3, 4 are feeling centered. 

The 9 personality types are derived from 9 deadly sins or vices, which makes the enneagram inherently point to our flaws. This can be challenging to accept and work through but ultimately I found that the enneagram articulated aspects of my personality that I have had trouble making sense of my entire life. It's a truly powerful and frankly, weird experience to be understood by a paragraph of text as well as the enneagram understood me. To further things, the lines connecting certain numbers on the diagram indicate a certain personality types "stress" and "security" points. For instance, as a 4 when I am healthy and in good spirits I take on the positive characteristics of a 1 but when I am feeling stressed or am in a bad place I resemble some of the flaws of a 2. In addition, the numbers on either side of a personality type (for a 4, it would be 3 and 5) are called wings. Every personality type is pushed towards one of these wings more so than the other, coloring their personality even further. So essentially, a personality has a dominant number (for me it's 4), stress and security numbers (for me they are 1 and 2) and a wing number (for me it's 5) thus having 4 numbers make up their personality. 

The sins/vices that are associated with each personality type are often not meant in the context that we are accustomed to. For instance, the sloth aspect of a 9 is not a physically laziness but a laziness in recognizing one's own feelings.

Discovering that I am a 4 has honestly fascinated me. I identify with the description intensely and have really spent the past few days researching my personality type and the enneagram itself. Learning about yourself in this way is exciting. Perhaps it's because: "healthy fours are not afraid to see themselves 'warts and all'. They are willing to reveal highly personal and potentially shameful things about themselves because they are determined to understand the truth of their experience - so that they can discover who they are and come to terms with their emotional history." I honestly feel like I have been introduced to myself. 

The enneagram also revealed aspects of my own personality that I knew to be true but had been repressing because certain things about yourself are incredibly hard to admit and work through. "Fours often report that they feel they are missing something in themselves, although they may have difficulty identifying exactly what that 'something' is. Is it will power? Social ease? Self-confidence? Emotional tranquility? - all of which they see in others, seemingly in abundance. Given time and sufficient perspective, fours generally recognize that they are unsure about aspects of their own self-image. They feel that they lack a clear and stable identity, particularly a social persona that they feel comfortable with." This struck me the most out the entire description of the 4 personality type. To have one of my biggest insecurities stare at me in the face was like saying, "HEY! YOU CAN'T IGNORE ME ANYMORE!" I feel truly empowered and equipped to start to work through some of my insecurities and become a better person (after all that's what this year is all about, right?)

In addition, doing the enneagram test with my 7 housemates and site coordinator gave me incredible insight on why they are the way they are, what they struggle with and the ways in which their needs are met. Learning about the people that you live with through their flaws and weaknesses and needs is sort of like a series of "a-ha!" moments. So that's why you are the way you are. It makes so much more sense now. And surprisingly, the eight of us were all different personality types (every one excluding 7) which highlights just how different we all are. 

If you want to take the enneagram test and see what your number is, click here (classical test).

If you want to read about all the personality types and learn more about enneagrams, click here.

NOTE: When I first took the test, it said I was 2 and then upon reading the descriptions discovered that I am nothing else but a 4. So if this peaks your interest like it did mine, I really suggest doing a combination of both. Let me know what your number is if you decide to do it! 

Lesson from the Journey: We are all so beautiful and flawed and different and wonderful.