Stony Point

Upon returning to New Orleans and reflecting on my week at orientation at the Stony Point Conference Center in New York, I think I am able to sum it up in one word: full. We had a packed schedule each day and covered a variety of topics from culture competency to self care to culture shock to globalization - you name it we covered it! It was great getting to meet YAVs going to other sites, both nationally and internationally, and connecting to the larger community.

Stony Point is located in a beautiful part of New York that is within walking distance from the Hudson River. Tall trees cover the landscape and give the center a feeling of relaxation that contrasts nicely with the intense and difficult conversations we engaged in this week. We ate meals buffet style and upon hearing this I was expecting the less than mediocre camp food I had experienced for many summers of my youth. I couldn't have been more wrong about this. Stony Point grows all of its own vegetables and fruit that are featured in every meal. The food was absolutely delicious. If you are interested in learning more about Stony Point, click here.

 The lodge at Stony Point Conference Center in New York.

The best, and most intense, part of week was the epiphany I had about my faith. It was both liberating and humbling. Part of the reason I decided to be a YAV was to explore my faith and my relationship with God. I have put this part of my life on hold since confirmation and upon wrestling with my faith this week discovered that I still have many of the same questions I had when I was in high school. I struggle with the doubt and questions I have for God and when I was surrounded by people who seem so confident in their faith it made me feel inadequate. I found myself asking "why am I here?" 

I wrote in my journal every day - even twice a day - trying to figure out what my relationship with God looked like. I just couldn't see it. I viewed my doubt as a confining box that I had to escape before I could even begin to be close to God. Upon talking to the chaplain, Christine, that was present this week I discovered that I had been looking at my faith in the wrong way. Doubt wasn't confining my faith it was defining it. Struggling with God is a sign of my faith, not the absence of it. The fact that I am open and willing to learn and challenge God is a evidence of my belief even though it seems like the very opposite. I articulated this struggle in a metaphor that I would like to share with you:

"I feel like my snippets of understanding about God are like fireflies and I'm trying to catch them and put them all in a neat little jar, in hopes that when they're all together I can make sense of the parts and see the whole. When really, these fireflies aren't meant to all be in a jar, they should be flying in the sky, lighting up the darkness. I don't think I will ever have enough understanding - or fireflies in this case - to light up the whole sky, to see through every inch of darkness that is the mystery of God. And that is ok. The unknown is part of my journey of faith and I find so much peace in that."

I am excited that I have the opportunity to continue to explore and grow in my faith throughout the upcoming year and beyond. The YAV motto is "a year of service but a lifetime of change" and I can affirm that I have already experienced that change happening in myself. It is exciting and terrifying simultaneously but I couldn't be more excited. 

Lesson from the Journey: Never give up on your faith, whatever it may look like, because it will surprise you and shape you and help you discover who you are.